Last night at the Cantab, we had our annual Awkward Date Night, otherwise known as Erotic Poetry Night. This year, we played open mic sex poem cliche bingo. This mix was one of the prizes.
1. The Smiths - "Stretch Out and Wait"
Let your juvenile infancy sway / this way and that way, this way and that way / God, how sex it bores you
2. Frank Zappa - "I Have Been in You"
Aw, little girl, there ain't no time / to wash your stinky hand / go in and roll over / I'm goin' in you again
3. Depeche Mode - "The Dead of Night"
We're the horniest boys / with the corniest ploys / who take the easiest girls / to our sleaziest worlds
4. The Magnetic Fields - "Let's Pretend We're Bunny Rabbits"
I can keep it up all night / I can keep it up all day / Let's pretend we're bunny rabbits / until we pass away
5. Joss Stone - "Put Your Hands On Me"
Oh I'm lovin' those hands
6. TV on the Radio - "Make Love All Night Long"
Yeah, long skirt / with the brown legs under / gonna call your bluff / gonna blow your cover / gonna sweat and moan / and be your lover
7. R.E.M. - "Star Me Kitten"
You are wild / and I'm in your possession / Nothing's free / so fuck me kitten
8. Pulp - "Help the Aged"
It's time you took an older lover, baby / Teach him stuff / although he's lookin' rough / Funny how it all falls away
9. Morphine - "Sexy Christmas Baby Mine"
Merry for you / Not too merry for me / I want you here with me / Misery loves company
10. David Bowie - "We Are the Dead"
you're dancing where the dogs decay / defecating ecstasy / locator for the virgin king / but I love you in your fuck-me pumps
11. Liz Phair - "Flower"
You act like you're fourteen years old / Everything you say is so / obnoxious, funny, true, and mean / I want to be your blowjob queen
12. Beck - "Peaches & Cream"
Give those pious soldiers / another lollipop / 'cause we're on the good ship / Menage a Trois
13. Half Japanese - "Rub Every Muscle"
When your muscles are knotty / and your heart beats like thunder / I'll be there to soothe you and release you / from the pressure you're under
14. Lou Reed - "The Blue Mask"
Make the sacrifice / mutilate my face / if you need someone to kill / I'm a man without a will / Wash the razor in the rain / let me luxuriate in pain / Please don't set me free / death means a lot to me
15. Nick Cave & the Bad Seeds - "Loverman"
L is for love and
O is for oh yes I do
V is for loving virtually all that you are and
E is for loving almost everything you do
R is for rape me and
M is for murder me
A is for answerin' all my prayers
N is for knowin' your loverman's gonna be the answer to all of yours, yeah
16. The Stooges - "No Fun"
Well, maybe go out / maybe stay home / maybe call Mom on the / telephone
17. P.J. Harvey - "This Is Love"
Does it have to be a life full of dread? / Wanna chase you 'round the table, wanna touch your head / This is love, this is love / that I'm feelin'
18. Yeah Yeah Yeahs - "Bang"
You ain't a baby no more, baby / You ain't no bigger than before, baby / I'll rub that cheek right off your lips, baby / so take a swallow as I spit, baby / As a first time you sucked / as a first time you sucked / as a first time you sucked / as a first time you sucked
19. Ida Maria - "Better When You're Naked"
I like you so much better when you're naked / I like me so much better when you're naked
20. Ad Frank & the Fast Easy Women - "The Cuddle"
If we take our lives then we can fuck in Hell
21. Original Off-Broadway Cast of Urinetown - "We're Not Sorry-Reprise"
I'm not sorry / just unsound