Thursday, October 13, 2011

My song for #OccupyBoston

I recently had my heart broken by 1% of the U.S. population. I wrote a song about it.

Sunday, September 25, 2011

A new Kirsten Opstad album may be forthcoming...

My fellow Crazy Ex from Hell, Kirsten Opstad, has a big opportunity. A Santa Barbara filmmaker wants her to fly out and record a full-length album for the soundtrack of his submission to SXSW.

Now, this film has got to be handed to SXSW by November 15th, so that means that if this album is going to happen, it has to happen soon. And it won't happen soon/at all without a lot of help. Hence, we are playing the game of Kickstarter.

Please do what you can. It would mean a lot to both of us.


Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Crazy Exes from Hell in Seven Days: Vermont's Independent Voice

The Crazy Exes got our first press last week. After we opened for The Smittens at The Skinny Pancake in Burlington, VT, Colin Clary told us we'd been named Bad Band Name of the Week by Dan Bolles, Music Editor for a local paper called Seven Days. But in fact, Bolles had called our name "maybe the best band name ever." Here's the rest of what he wrote:
Band Name of the Week: the Crazy Exes From Hell. Aren’t they all? This Boston-based duo describes itself as sounding like “Violent Femmes performing Rodgers & Hammerstein,” or if “the Moldy Peaches pulled a Fleetwood Mac.” You know what? I’ll allow it. But how ‘bout this? Imagine if Colin Clary and Dana Kaplan ditched the sweet acoustic bedroom-pop thing they do with their Smittens offshoot Let’s Whisper and started writing really agitated — and really funny — breakup songs. Yeah…

Friday, August 26, 2011

reviews from people who have not slept with me

Beach Sloth had some kind words to write about Newly Wild Hedgehog.

Beach Sloth calls Hedgehog "...a celebration of American things, of freedom, violence, and wildlife."

Diana Salier also had some lovely things to say about the chapbook on Goodreads. Her chapbook, incidentally, is seriously good, and I intend to write a review of it myself, but in the meantime, just read it.

Saturday, August 20, 2011

Monday Night

A couple of my poems appear in the 10-year anniversary issue of Monday Night. They're a little quieter and more abstruse than I usually make them.

It is 6:30 in the morning, and there is a cat in the room with me who is very upset.

Sunday, July 31, 2011

My Ex-Lovers Read My Book

Announcing a new blog that I just made, which will contain reviews of my new e-chapbook, Newly Wild Hedgehog, written by women who have slept with me.

I've been calling them about this, and so far three of them have agreed to participate. Admittedly, one of them is only a former make-out buddy, but that will just have to count.

Monday, July 18, 2011

Who would like to review Newly Wild Hedgehog?

Perhaps it is unseemly of an author to make such a request, but it would be a great help to me, and I figured I ought to plant the idea in people's heads sooner than later, damage to my reputation for humility be damned.

First, you would have to read the book, which is free and may be found online here or downloaded to a reading device here.

If at this point you feel compelled to write about what you've read, I would (ever so humbly) encourage you to send what you write to one of the following locations:
  • The Scrambler
  • Radius
  • NOO Journal
  • Muzzle (You may need to wait on them, since they just closed submissions for their summer issue and I'm not sure how soon they'll want to look at stuff for the fall.)
  • Anywhere else I'm not considering.
Or, if you would rather not subject yourself to the possibility of rejection, you could add a review on the book's Goodreads page.

This would be very deeply appreciated.


Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Dinosaur Bees

Two of my poems, "Migrating to Portland" and "Backstroke," appear in the latest issue of Dinosaur Bees. Both poems also appear in my chapbook, Newly Wild Hedgehog, which will be out on NAP this Friday!

Incidentally, this issue of Dinosaur Bees also includes a poem by Chad Redden, Editor of NAP and all-around mensch. His poem says some smart things about Hell.

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

The Scrambler

Two pieces of mine are featured in The Scrambler today, including a heartwarming little story about a flightless bird trying to make it in the city.

Friday, June 17, 2011

Sex Pistols at Network Awesome Magazine

It's Sex Pistols Day at Network Awesome, and a short short I wrote for the occasion called "Holiday in the Sun" appears in Network Awesome Magazine to help mark the occasion.

It's based on this song, in case you haven't heard it.

Get pissed and destroy, friends!

Saturday, June 4, 2011

The Crazy Exes from Hell @ Valley F.E.A.S.T. 4/30/2011

For a full clickable setlist, follow the link to YouTube and see the full description.

(It says Part 2, but Part 1 was just a 10-minute set of solo songs we did as people were still filtering in. Find it if you want, but frankly, this is the video to see.)

This was such a thrill of a show. We really do thank everybody who was there from the bottom of our dry black hearts.

See also The Macrotones and Chantz. What a night.

Friday, May 13, 2011

NAP CHAPS (Amanda Laughtland's, eventually mine)

This July, NAP will be releasing my short e-chapbook, Newly Wild Hedgehog. It will be free to read online or download to Kindle.

But their first e-chapbook ever, Vital to Victory, is already up! It's Amanda Laughtland's wartime catalogue of fears and precautions, a striking and terrifying collection of poems inspired by women's magazines from the 1940's.

In the likely event that you need more Laughtland, she's got a chapbook of Craigslist poems available (also for free) from Ungovernable Press. It's called Take It, and it may be impossible to stop reading once started.

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

my published work

Here is a list of all the places you can find things I wrote, all neat and in one place the way a list should be:

NAPNewly Wild Hedgehog, a free e-chapbook (here), "New Mouths" and "The World's Strongest Goat" (here) "The Ash Valley Tapes," "Delayed Takeoff," "Gifted and Talented Enrichment," "Many Days," and "What Leaves" (here)

Neon Literary Magazine—"The Last Meat," "Two Seasons of Crashing," and "Angel's Glow" (here)

Network Awesome Magazine—"Holidays in the Sun" (here) "Throwing the Wheels to the Sea: The Power of Staged Autocide in Harold and Maude and Quadrophenia" (here)

NOÖ Journal—"Buffalo Bill on the Beach" (here)

Monday Night—"Dawn Cuts off the Capital and Then Falls Back Asleep" and "In the Land and Time of Empty Beachside Towns" (here)

The Scrambler—“This Year Will Be the Year That Counts" (here), "In Captivity, the Urge to Migrate Grows Abstract," and "One-Boy Post Post Punk Band Behind the Music" (here)

Muzzle—“Among the Other Mourners of Zion” (here)

Amethyst Arsenic—"Dedication" (with audio) and "The Million Little Lights" (here)

Dinosaur Bees— "Migrating to Portland" and "Backstroke" (here and here)

Phantom Kangaroo—“After the Spawning” (here)

Breadcrumb Scabs—“Correct (Correct),” “Drinking the Water of Life Neat,” and “Ode to Deli Meat” (here)

The Montucky Review —"To the Spawning" and "In the Event That You Are Unemployed to Death" (here)

Ramshackle Review—“There There Now, Bus Buddy” (here)

The Legendary—“Lower Allston Revisited,” “My Father and I Discuss Animals,” “My Father and I Discuss Vegetables,” and “Virginia Beach, 2004” (here)

PANK—“‘A country road. A tree. Evening,’” "Radiatore," and “That’s a Pretty Song, Old Man, but I’ve Heard It Before” (here)

Monday, April 25, 2011


I guess I use Twitter now; seems useful from a promotional standpoint. #practicingbrevity

The Crazy Exes from Hell @ Bloc 11

The Crazy Exes are playing a show at Bloc 11 in Somerville on Wednesday, May 11th. We go on at 6:30, so if you wanted you could catch us and still make it to the Cantab in time to sign up to read on the open mic.

Bloc 11 is a cafe in Union Square with a great (music) open mic night of its own on Thursdays, hosted by the unflappable Kristen Ford. They also make amazing soup--last time I was there I had this apple fennel soup that flat-out knocked me down. And I do not just hand out compliments about soup! That's serious. But I didn't really fall down.

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Breadcrumb Scabs

Two of my poems appear in the latest issue of Breadcrumb Scabs. You can read it online for free or purchase the hard copy for about six dollars.

Within three days, you will be able to get here by going to It came to my attention that there was a prettier girl in school.

Friday, April 22, 2011


I have an author page on Goodreads now. So there's that.

What else? I've been making a lot of matzoh bark lately. All you do is melt some chocolate chips in a big pan with canola oil and a little salt, then dunk strips of matzoh in it and lay them out on some wax paper, then stick it in the freezer for 10-15 minutes. Boom. Happy Pesach.

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Orange Matzoh Brei

I posted a matzoh brei recipe a couple years ago that I still endorse, but I just got the idea for this new one from the French toast recipe from The Vegan Stoner (it's miles of easy recipes with adorable illustrations! Go to there).

I'll acknowledge that some people are against sweet matzoh brei; I obviously don't belong to that camp. Here's a fine article about that issue that also includes a recipe. But that recipe isn't vegan--mine is.

  • matzoh
  • orange juice
  • rice milk (soy milk, almond milk, whatever)
  • vanilla
  • maple syrup
  • cinnamon
  • walnuts (optional)
  • oil or margarine for frying
  1. In a large bowl, mix together equal parts orange juice and rice milk, enough to cover the amount of matzoh you want to use. Add a spoonful of maple syrup and a dash of vanilla and cinnamon.
  2. Break apart the matzoh and soak it in the mixture for 5-7 minutes, until soft.
  3. Fry on a large pan for about 3 minutes until lightly browned. Stir frequently.
  4. Get out the jelly, the syrup, the margarine, and/or the powdered sugar, and rejoice.

Friday, April 15, 2011

The Souls of Fossils

My EP/chapbook illustrated by Sophia Holtz, The Souls of Fossils, is now available on Bandcamp. So you can listen to it for free, or even download it if you pay me.

For an enhanced listening experience, you can read the corresponding poem and see the corresponding illustration to each track if you click on its name instead of hitting "play."

And if you purchase the whole shebang, you get a bonus track: it's a Sean Conlon cover!

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Jade Sylvan

My friend Jade Sylvan recorded an album. It's called Blood & Sand and I'm really enjoying it right now. It's a little like a slightly more down-to-earth Chelsea Girl, with the bedside feel and gently asserted breadth of Sea Change. And on the cover it looks like she's a ghost! It's cool.

Thursday, March 31, 2011

The Crazy Exes from Hell

We are now on Bandcamp. At, you can hear the entirety of our new EP, Keep Your Stupid Moon, for free, and you can download it for $5.

Alternatively, you could come to our show at Midway Cafe next Thursday, April 7th, and buy a hard copy, also hear us play the whole thing plus some other songs.

More shows to come, I'm pretty sure.

Monday, March 21, 2011


NAP is a new and classy-looking literary magazine, the latest (second) issue of which features five of my poems. And guess who else's poems? Howie Good's.

Howie Good is like the moon; it looks like he's following me, but really it's just that you can see him from anywhere.

Friday, March 18, 2011

The Crazy Exes from Hell

Kirsten Opstad and I are officially a band. We are The Crazy Exes from Hell. We are both the lead singer and we sing songs about hating each other because we love each other.

We're working on a six-track EP that should be done within a month or so, but in the meantime you can hear us by coming to Midway Cafe in Jamaica Plain on Thursday, April 7th. More band news is sure to come.

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Network Awesome

Network Awesome is a TV channel on the internet, devoted to all things vintage. They have a magazine now, in which you'll find an essay I wrote about Harold and Maude and Quadrophenia. As you can imagine, it has mostly to do with driving automobiles off of cliffs.

Since I ended this essay with a suggestion that it is a good idea to deactivate your Facebook page, I decided to deactivate my Facebook page.

As I see it, the greatest trick to living in the internet age is to avoid looking like a hypocrite even though everything you have ever done can be Googled.

Monday, March 7, 2011

Marnie Stern

Last night I went Upstairs at Middle East to get my face melted off by Marnie Stern, and my face got melted off, but I couldn't help but feel like I was the only one.

People don't dance much at rock shows I guess. It reminds me of when I was 13 and my father took me to see Oasis and the Black Crowes at the Oakdale Theatre. The Tour of Brotherly Love, they called it. Two just over-the-hill British bands mostly there to pay tribute to much further over-the-hill British bands. "They say Rock n' Roll is dead," a worn-out Chris Robinson said to an auditorium full of middle-aged men crossing their arms and nodding their heads. "Looks like some of you got blood on your hands." Ungrateful, yes. Those men did each pay about $50 to stand there. And what did he expect? "Rock n' Roll" doesn't charge $50 on Ticketmaster. It's a thing that happens at a bar with a half-broken PA and wristbands and plastic cups of cheap beer getting spilled all over a floorful of people who haven't given up on sex yet. At the very least, the crowd is younger.

But actually, it looks like standing around looking bored is hip among the youth. Still. As far as I can tell, we've moved from ironic 80's fashion to semi-ironic 90's fashion at some point but the attitude is pretty much the same.

I have three words: come on, people. Kurt Cobain has been dead for longer than most college kids have been alive. Marnie Stern makes exhuberant, violent, balls-out guitar music, shreds like a beast to block-rocking beats, and at the high point of the evening I counted myself one among maybe fifteen people who were moving more than their heads and their cell phone thumbs. There had to be a hundred people in there.

I'm listening to Marnie Stern's new album now. There should have been a mosh pit. Save my soul, why was there no mosh pit?

Were they shy? I'm shy to the point of eye contact being a chore. Awkward about their bodies? I flinch whenever it looks like somebody might touch my shoulder. Did they have dark pasts that made them jaded and unwilling to show love for anyone or anything again, even music? Hey, I've been hurt before. When a beat rocks my block, I still move my body.

That's not me being a hero; that's me doing what feels good. Is doing what feels good "over"? You can be disaffected and still dance. The Goths did it. The Punks did it. Shit, the Mods did it like they were getting paid for it. We suck. Let's get our asses back in the game.

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Ramshackle Review

A prose poem I wrote on tour called "There There Now, Bus Buddy" appears in the latest issue of Ramshackle Review, as do four poems and an interview from the unstoppable Howie Good. Seriously, that guy's work is everywhere these days, and if you ask me, it's easy to see why. Check out this e-chapbook of his on Gold Wake Press.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

The Scrambler

A poem I wrote called "This Year Will Be the Year That Counts" appears in the latest issue of The Scrambler. It includes a secret about one of my friends.

Muzzle Magazine

My poem "Among the Other Mourners of Zion" appears in the latest issue of Muzzle Magazine along with poems by Carrie Rudzinski and Susie Swanton.

Today I found three individually wrapped breath mints and four rose petals in my jacket pocket. I know how the breath mints got there but not the rose petals. I was walking to the beach when I found these things. It sure is February.

Monday, February 14, 2011

Phantom Kangaroo

Phantom Kangaroo, a new literary magazine specializing in eeriness, has decided to publish a prose poem I wrote called "After the Spawning," a kind of sequel to "To the Spawning."

"Semelparity" is the reproductive strategy by which a creature such as the Pacific salmon mates once and then dies. In the case of the salmon, its skin peels off in the ocean in which it was born.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Moisture (Cantab Awkward Date Night 2011)

Last night at the Cantab, we had our annual Awkward Date Night, otherwise known as Erotic Poetry Night. This year, we played open mic sex poem cliche bingo. This mix was one of the prizes.


1. The Smiths - "Stretch Out and Wait"

Let your juvenile infancy sway / this way and that way, this way and that way / God, how sex it bores you

2. Frank Zappa - "I Have Been in You"

Aw, little girl, there ain't no time / to wash your stinky hand / go in and roll over / I'm goin' in you again

3. Depeche Mode - "The Dead of Night"

We're the horniest boys / with the corniest ploys / who take the easiest girls / to our sleaziest worlds

4. The Magnetic Fields - "Let's Pretend We're Bunny Rabbits"

I can keep it up all night / I can keep it up all day / Let's pretend we're bunny rabbits / until we pass away

5. Joss Stone - "Put Your Hands On Me"

Oh I'm lovin' those hands

6. TV on the Radio - "Make Love All Night Long"

Yeah, long skirt / with the brown legs under / gonna call your bluff / gonna blow your cover / gonna sweat and moan / and be your lover

7. R.E.M. - "Star Me Kitten"

You are wild / and I'm in your possession / Nothing's free / so fuck me kitten

8. Pulp - "Help the Aged"

It's time you took an older lover, baby / Teach him stuff / although he's lookin' rough / Funny how it all falls away

9. Morphine - "Sexy Christmas Baby Mine"

Merry for you / Not too merry for me / I want you here with me / Misery loves company

10. David Bowie - "We Are the Dead"

you're dancing where the dogs decay / defecating ecstasy / locator for the virgin king / but I love you in your fuck-me pumps

11. Liz Phair - "Flower"

You act like you're fourteen years old / Everything you say is so / obnoxious, funny, true, and mean / I want to be your blowjob queen

12. Beck - "Peaches & Cream"

Give those pious soldiers / another lollipop / 'cause we're on the good ship / Menage a Trois

13. Half Japanese - "Rub Every Muscle"

When your muscles are knotty / and your heart beats like thunder / I'll be there to soothe you and release you / from the pressure you're under

14. Lou Reed - "The Blue Mask"

Make the sacrifice / mutilate my face / if you need someone to kill / I'm a man without a will / Wash the razor in the rain / let me luxuriate in pain / Please don't set me free / death means a lot to me

15. Nick Cave & the Bad Seeds - "Loverman"

L is for love and
O is for oh yes I do
V is for loving virtually all that you are and
E is for loving almost everything you do
R is for rape me and
M is for murder me
A is for answerin' all my prayers
N is for knowin' your loverman's gonna be the answer to all of yours, yeah

16. The Stooges - "No Fun"

Well, maybe go out / maybe stay home / maybe call Mom on the / telephone

17. P.J. Harvey - "This Is Love"

Does it have to be a life full of dread? / Wanna chase you 'round the table, wanna touch your head / This is love, this is love / that I'm feelin'

18. Yeah Yeah Yeahs - "Bang"

You ain't a baby no more, baby / You ain't no bigger than before, baby / I'll rub that cheek right off your lips, baby / so take a swallow as I spit, baby / As a first time you sucked / as a first time you sucked / as a first time you sucked / as a first time you sucked

19. Ida Maria - "Better When You're Naked"

I like you so much better when you're naked / I like me so much better when you're naked

20. Ad Frank & the Fast Easy Women - "The Cuddle"

If we take our lives then we can fuck in Hell

21. Original Off-Broadway Cast of Urinetown - "We're Not Sorry-Reprise"

I'm not sorry / just unsound

Friday, February 4, 2011

Monday, January 31, 2011

Menues Crypt

I've finally put together a full-length manuscript to shop around. It doesn't have a title yet.

It turns out my poems contain a lot of bodies of water. Eight poems include the word "water," five include the word "ocean," three include the word "beach," two include the word "shore," five include the word "river," and people and animals are swimming, drowning, and drinking all over the place. I thought about calling it Beaches. If I got it published, I could say on the thank-you page that people were the wind beneath my wings. Okay, I am definitely not going to do that.

There are also more references to herd animals and cars than I might have expected from myself. My other title idea, Buffalo, Buffalo, Drive to the Shore, seems maybe a little too silly.

Here is the last poem I wrote that's in this thing:

The Ash Valley Tapes

The ghosts in this film have forgotten
to be humans. They use their eyes
to locate danger. They use their claws
to rove through the dark. Their mouths,
octopuses solving puzzles. But they recognize

our faces, and our heroes reckon this since
the ghosts have returned. Across the oceans
and the rivers that seized them, the ghosts returned
to this very city in the desert. Now they eat cats
and tinier parrots. Their haunted heave sighs. Here,

have this can of lamb. But ghosts are no kind
of pets. If they see you cross a congested street,
they will join the traffic. If they see your head
poking out of the water, they will swipe out
their laser bows and take dead aim.

Saturday, January 15, 2011

Shows in February

As of February, I will live in Boston again. This is great, and one reason that it's great is that I get to play some shows.

On Sunday the 13th I'll be at the Precinct along with Michael Monroe (not that Michael Monroe) and Meghan Guidry. Bands to be announced will play after us.

Then, on Saturday the 19th, I'll be reading at the Best Damn Poetry Show in Western Mass (140 Pleasant Street in Northampton) with Thomas Fucaloro. The open mic sign-up is at 7:30 and we'll go on at 9.

I'll be looking to book some more, and I'll post them here when that happens.